DIWALI as narrated by an ABCD... (American Born Confused Desi)

A young second generation Indian in the US, is explaining the
significance of Diwali to his younger brother.

This is how he would go about it...

So, like this dude had, like, a big cool kingdom and people liked him. ut,
like, his step-mom, or something, was kind of a bitch, and she forced her
husband to, like, send this cool-dude, he was Ram, to some national
forest or something... since he was going, for like, something like more than
10 years or so.. he decided to get his wife and his bro along... you
know...so that they could all chill out together.

But DUDE, the forest was reeeeal scary shit... really man... they had
monkeys and devils and shit like that. But this dude, Ram, kicked ass
with darts and bows and arrows... so it was fine.

But then some bad gangsta boys, some jerk called Ravan, picks up his
babe(Sita) and lures her away to his hood. And boy, was our man, and
also his bro, Lakshman, pissed...

And you DON't piss this son-of-a-gun cuz, he just kicks ass and like..,
all the gods were with him.. So anyways, you don't mess with gods. SO,
Ram, and his bro get an army of monkeys.. dude, don't ask me how they
trained the damn monkeys... just go along with me, ok... so, Ram, Laksh.
and their monkeys whip this gangsta's ass in his own hood.

Anyways, by this time, their time's up in the forest..and anyways...it
gets kinda boring, you know... no TV or malls or shit like that. So,
they decided to hitch a ride back home...and when the people realize that our
dude, his bro and the wife are back home... they thought, well, you
know, at least they deserve something nice... and they didn't have any bars or
clubs in those days...so they couldn't take them out for a drink, so
they, like, decided to smoke and shit...and since they also had some lamps,
they lit the lamps also... so it was pretty cooool... you know with all those
fireworks.. really, they even had some local band play along with the
fireworks.. and you know, what, dude, that was the very first, no
kidding... that was the very first music-synchronized fireworks... you
know, like the 4th of July stuff, but just, more cooler and stuff, you
know. And, so dude, THAT was how, like, this festival started.

Cool! Diwali rocks, Maaann  !!!!