1.  Good:  Your wife is pregnant.
        Bad: It's triplets
       Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago.

  2.  Good:  Your wife's not talking to you
       Bad:  She wants a divorce
       Ugly:  She's a lawyer

 3.  Good:  Your son is finally maturing
      Bad:  He's involved with the woman next door
      Ugly:  So are you

 4.  Good:  Your son studies a lot in his room
      Bad:  You find several porn movies hidden there
      Ugly:  You're in them


 5.  Good:  Your hubby and you agree, no more kids
      Bad:  You can't find your birth control pills
      Ugly:  Your daughter borrowed them


 6.  Good:  Your husband understands fashion
      Bad:  He's a cross-dresser
      Ugly:  He looks better than you


 7.  Good:  You give the "birds and bees:" talk to your daughter
      Bad:  She keeps interrupting
      Ugly:  With corrections


 8.  Good:  The postman's early
      Bad:   He's wearing fatigues and carrying a shotgun
      Ugly:  You gave him nothing for Christmas

 9.  Good:  Your son is dating someone new
      Bad:  It's another man
      Ugly:  He's your best friend

10. Good:  Your daughter got a new job
     Bad:  As a hooker
     Ugly:  Your coworkers are her best clients
     Way ugly:  She makes more money than you do

11. Good : you are horny
       Bad: You can't find your vibrator.
       Worse: Your daughter "borrowed" it.

12. Good : your childrens are matured.
      Bad: Your children are sexually active.
       Worse: With each other.

13. Good : you have a good sex life with your wife.
       Bad: Your wife's leaving you.
       Worse: For another woman. :O

14. Good: The teacher likes your son.
      Bad: Sexually.
        Worse: He's gay.