To all women....cheers!!
 
 
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        * * *  * I AM WOMAN * * * *
       
        I shave my legs, I sit down to pee
        And I can justify any shopping spree.
        Don't go to a barber, but a beauty salon
        Can get a massage without a hard-on.
       
        I can balance the checkbook, can pump my own gas.
        Can talk to my friends about the size of my ass.
        My beauty's a masterpiece, and yes, it takes long.
        At least I can admit to others when I'm wrong.
       
        I don't drive in circles at any cost,
        And I don't have a problem admitting I'm lost.
        I never forget an important date.
        You just gotta deal with it, I'm usually late.
       
        I don't watch movies with lots of gore.
        Don't need instant replay to remember the score.
        I won't lose my hair, I don't get jock itch,
        And just cause I'm assertive, don't call me a bitch.
       
        Don't say to your friends, "oh yeah, I can get her."
        In your dreams, my dear.  I can do better!
        Flowers are okay, but jewelry's best.
        Would you look at my face, not at my chest!
       
        I don't have a problem with expressing my feelings.
        I know when you're lying, you look at the ceiling.
        Don't call me a girl, a babe, or a chick.
        I am a WOMAN, get it, you prick?!